Solich Watch continues with the apparent truth of what happened this weekend in Athens:

“He was laying his head down on the bar,” said Dawson. “He wouldn’t drink (the coffee).”

After Solich refused a cab, Dawson said he and his companion followed him as he meandered to his SUV, which was parked on Court Street near Goodfella’s. There, the two tried for about five minutes to persuade Solich not to drive. “He pretty much wasn’t having it,” Dawson said.

When Solich insisted on driving, he hit a parked car in the space in front of him, said Dawson, who last saw the Nissan turning onto West State Street.

So basically, ol’ Frank the Tank came in for dinner, or at least while others were eating dinner, drank until his coaster looked like a comfy pillow, then decided he needed to go somewhere for some food? I definitely can’t play “holier than thou” (*cough*St. Patrick’s Day 2004*cough*) here, but this is outstanding! It’s like he became the stereotype “really drunk guy” imitation you do when you’re proving how drunk you really are NOT.

And drinking margaritas? C’mon Frank! Unless you were there because it was “Fill A Trash Can with Margarita For A Dollar Night”, how ’bout drinking some alcohol? Was the bar out of Zima? Didn’t the bartender know how to make a Cosmopolitan? The next time you embarrass yourself and your University, how about bringing your testicles out for the night, too?

The fact that he apparently played bumper cars on his way down the street, ending up backwards on a one-way street in some condition that allowed the car to be in drive, but Frank to take a nap on the comfortable, but not as comfy as a beer coaster, steering wheel and not go anywhere, and still ended up with the minimum “sentence” for first time offenders seems a little ridiculous.

So what have we learned from Frank’s Night Out???

1) Bars that serve food are usually good places to get food when you want food. I mean, even if the kitchen was technically closed, the bar went as far as getting him some coffee, certainly they could have found some raw beef or something for him to munch on, it’s not like he’d have noticed the difference.

2) As good of a “that guy” imitation as anyone may ever do, Frank wins.

3) If Frank was drinking to forget about the anniversary of getting canned at Nebraska, he can probably be thankful that he’s no longer in Lincoln, or he’d probably wind up with a couple rape charges and something involving discharging firearms into school busses with his players.

4) As much as the Ohio U. contingent has embraced him…errrr…embraced him when he was 2-0, before they remembered they were OU and started sucking again, it will still take awhile for some of them to wonder why he didn’t just get stoned. ‘Cause the cops won’t bother ya if you’re just being mellow, man!

5) Frank Solich wears women’s panties, as evidenced by his drink selection.

6) If you’re going to smash up some cars on your way to an improvised parking space, make sure when the cops show up, you refuse the breathalyzer test, then get your high priced Athens lawyers to get you in and out of court before the story hits the papers.

7) Do #6 even more quickly if there is no fewer than a dozen people ready to tell a newspaper how shitfaced you really were, a bartender ready to tell the judge that he gave you coffee and called a cab, and two others that tried to keep you out of your car for 10 minutes before your Nissan became a bulldozer.

8) In addition to the suspensions, probations and whatever other slaps on the wrist he received, Ohio U. should have to play all their 2006 games on the road, under strict “No Chants Barred” rules. Then, at the end of the year, the MAC champion would be decided by which school’s fans did the best. It could revitalize the “clap, clap, clapclapclap” industry!

8b) I’m really pissed that BG plays at Ohio next year. REALLY pissed.