…may I help yooooooooou?

In a world where not only does everyone have a voice online, but everyone thinks they’re an expert because of it, ESPN has gone and created possibly the most retarded thing I have ever seen online.

Seriously, this is more retarded than TardBlog, which is a website about retarded kids. It’s that bad.

What’s worse than giving people a message board to spout their crap about their favorite teams? How about an animated face to go along with it? So while you’re watching/reading/listening to “Suzie from Brockport” talk about why “the Pats will win because they R da kewlest”, you can stare into the deep blue eyes of Suzie’s online self, and not realize that your dream Patriots fan is counting food stamps, putting cigarettes out on the arm of her donated plaid sofa and “gettin’ ready to birth her another baby”, just as soon as Paw gets back from the store with her Boosch Light.

As if the virtual Stu Scott wasn’t creepy enough, the animated Bill Simmons wasn’t downright terrible enough, ESPN has to go and top it all. Just another reason why the “worldwide leader in sports” continues to be the “worldwide leader in loud, obnoxious websites”.