I have no idea why I’m so attracted to the goings on at the Democratic National Convention, maybe its the repeated viewings of every clip, soundbite and painfully horrific Dennis Kucinich moment at work, but I’ve seen all I need to see in 30 second segments.

Sure, its their gig, and I know the Dems want to party like its 1992, but who in the hell’s idea was it to troll out the Black Eyed Peas right after John Edwards’ speech last night? Maybe “the Peas” were just chilling back stage, expecting to go on after Skynrd played the follow up act to Edwards, and after a long intermission, and a chance to get Al Sharpton up on stage to bust out part of the chorus, and after Edwards rolled into the painfully-reminiscent-of-a-4th-grade-assembly “hope is on the way” rant, someone backstage panicked and shoved the first band they could grab to get on the stage.

But no matter how they got up there, is it really right that they sang “Let’s Get It Started”, knowing that A) it was recently used as a promo for the NBA Playoffs on ESPN, and B) the actual title of the song is “Let’s Get Retarded”, including the lyric:

Lose control, of body and soul.
Don’t move too fast, people, just take it slow.

As well as a take on epilepsy? Aren’t these the “love everyone and give everyone a chance” Democrats? And now they’re rolling out a thinly veiled take on mental retardation? I have nothing against the song, especially after what I’ve come across with doctored Outkast lyrics, but you would think that the national platform for your party’s bid for the Presidency would avoid anything close to that controversial, but I guess not.

Speaking of the Kerry-Edwards ticket, I guess they have an appearance scheduled for Sunday in Bowling Green. Tarnishing the site of some of my finer debauchery with their rhetoric…I can’t help but shudder at the thought. Tagging along, apparently, is Ben Affleck. Why do celebrities feel they need to have political agendas?

I can only imagine that Affleck’s platform includes how his career has lost any hint of creativity and, well, “goodness” since 2001 when Bush took office, and while Sept. 11 was a horrible tragedy for all America, he was forced to sit through two months of filming Gigli. There, I’ve said it. The one millionth Gigli and the election joke on the internet. I never even saw the movie. I can only imagine.

Eventually, it will all boil down to how happy Ben was to hear that his home state of Massachusetts will finally recognize his lifelong man-union with Matt Damon, and how it now will take all of America to get Bush out of office, so more Americans can enjoy the sweet, sweet man-love they had to keep hidden for so long.

Oh yeah, and he’ll remind us that John Kerry was in Vietnam, too.

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After scoring a total of 5 runs in their last 5 games, its now time for Texas to pull their heads out of their proverbial first-place asses and get some work done this weekend. Four games with Oakland, who sits just a half game out of first, and has won 5 straight since Texas beat their ace Mark Mulder in Oakland a week or so ago. These four are in Arlington, so I like the odds of gaining at least a split, but taking at least 3 of four and opening the lead back to 2.5 games would definitely be a good thing. Besides, by doing that, it guarantees keeping third place Anaheim at least 2 games back as well.

Why should you care? You probably shouldn’t. But if I don’t write about this now, I run the risk of being thrown on the bandwagon when the World Series title rolls around. (Despite the 10+ year old Rangers hat in my room that I think just walked to the kitchen to make itself a snack.) I’m not a big fan of ESPN’s Tim Kurkjian, in fact, I think I want to beat him up on the playground every time he opens his mouth, but take a look at this article and tell me you don’t like this team.

And Rangers fans, never fear, if the boys are down in the 9th with two out and no one on against Oakland this weekend, you can look toward the on-deck circle, see a young Blalock, Teixeira or Soriano striding toward the plate and know that…

HOPE IS ON THE WAY!!!