The proper procedure is to grab your ankles from the outsides-in, feet about shoulder width apart, and please pre-lubricate yourself for rapid processing. Also, please refrain from screaming, moaning, yelling or any otherwise unnecessary noises, or we will be required to assess a penalty, payable with Form 10432238849-X in odd numbered years, form Y in even numbered years, and by trading beads and furs in years ending in “5”.

The IRS can bite me. Maybe I’ll re-use their envelope just to see how long it takes them to penalize me the $300 for “non-official use”.

Word to the wise. Use certified mail to send your taxes in, it will save a whole lot of headaches when the fuckers lose your paperwork.