I don’t care if you are an 80-year old woman… if you’re holding your portable oxygen machine in one hand and your cigarette in the other, I have every right in the world to punch you.

Furthermore, if you’re performing in a charity benefit concert and accept the $12,000 goodie bag that comes with your 15 minutes of singing (plus other luxuries I’m sure an impoverished African boy would love, such as gourmet ice cream, bottled water, a fly swatter and the like), I have every right in the world to punch you.

If you give an impassioned speech about the plight of the poor in the third world while holding said goodie bag, then I hope and pray that the bag also contains the Cliff’s Notes to the last two chapters of “The Kurt Cobain Story” and a notepad.