This week’s NFL picks in memory of a man and an athletic program that can now meet up and share coffee in the big police records room in the sky…

The passing of Ol’ Dirty Bastard (aka “Big Baby Jesus” and “Dirt McGirt”) is one of those things that was a surprise, but really, why should it be? It’s a tragedy when someone dies relatively young (he would have been 36 on Monday, more on that in a minute), but when that person likely has put enough drugs in their system to send a Colombian boy to college, its a little harder to feel bad.

Speaking of drugs, our second contestant is the Marshall University Thundering Herd. They’re about as classy a bunch as, well, okay, so I can’t think of anything that lacks that much class to compare it to. This program has built itself into a formidable Division 1-A football opponent with one winning formula…. take the kids that get kicked out of other schools for drugs, misdemeanor fleeing, traffic citations to the point where your license is suspended in the state of Mississippi, and turning them into young men. Young men who continue to evade police, fight players from other universities in bars, throw pickles at fast food restaurants, and assorted other “activities” that would get most other college students (much less athletes) kicked out on their ass.

Well today at Doyt Perry Stadium in Bowling Green, those bastards (not necessary Old, but quite Dirty bastards that they are) got kicked to the curb. And then kicked again. As much as BG’s defense makes me a bit queasy at times, the offense picks me up again. It was great to see BG run their offense, not something watered down that a high school JV team could figure out and stop. The only regret is that while they kept their foot on Marshall’s throat down the stretch, they didn’t dig in a little harder and put 70 up on those thugs. Marshall is leaving the Mid-American Conference after this year, and not only will it be a pleasure to not have to deal with their kind anymore, it was a thrill to kick them in the sack on their way out the door. Next up, Toledo. Its rivalry time, and while this one’s on the road, if BG can tighten up some of the defensive woes and keep this offensive train chugging along, it could be a fun night on the banks of Bancroft Street. (I suppose even if BG loses, $100 or so to buy a hooker and some cheap smack could still make it a fun night on Bancroft Street.)

One more question about ODB… if people die in threes, does Yassir Arafat make the first “old, dirty bastard” to die? And if so, who’s a candidate for #3?

To the pros we go!
KANSAS CITY at New Orleans – Both teams have been a trainwreck, but at least KC has found the kid who put the penny on the track that made it wreck, and they’re out looking to kick some ass. New Orleans is just running in circles.

Baltimore at NY JETS – The Jets’ backup quarterback is better than Kyle Boller any day. Baltimore should still feel lucky that they beat Cleveland last week.

Detroit at JACKSONVILLE – I think JAX is the trendy mid-season pick to go to the Super Bowl. That and Detroit sucks.

Tampa Bay at ATLANTA – Atlanta could be better, Tampa could be ALOT better.

Pittsburgh at CLEVELAND – My blind faith in the Browns continues. This Roethlisberger kid has to stop sometime, right? That’s what I thought it two games he played against BG last year. If there is a God, he’ll let the Browns pull this one out.

Seattle at ST. LOUIS – 44-35 final, Shaun Alexander’s god-like performance not enough to outscore the Rams.

Chicago at TENNESSEE – Combined, these teams have used 1,392 quarterbacks since October 1.

Houston at INDIANAPOLIS – There is no “D” in Indianapolis. Really, its supposed to be spelled “Inianapolis”, but they accidentally put a “d” in the name on the street signs, and it stuck. Trust me, I know these things. I live in Iniana.

CINCINNATI at Washington – NFL Week 10: “Where the shitty matchups come out to shine!”

Minnesota at GREEN BAY – Pack wakes up, Randy Moss continues to limber up for the next time he needs to run from the cops. (He played at Marshall, you know.)

NY Giants at ARIZONA – Larry Fitzgerald, welcome to the NFL. Eli Manning, your turn starts….now!

CAROLINA at San Francisco – When you have three picks to go and one witty comment left, always pick against the Niners.

Buffalo at NEW ENGLAND – The Patriots make it two in a row, and Chris Berman and crew start counting the weeks until they can start licking the Patriots again. (Yes, I meant to put the “c” in there. It’s licking. Not liking. Licking.)

PHILADELPHIA at Dallas – Monday Night Football is going to start pushing for veto power about 5 minutes into the third quarter of this one.