wanna buy a stapler?

So after spending more time in Staples in the past two days than I have in the last 8 years combined, I thought I’d hunt down the contact information on their website to give props to the clerk that helped me out when I was more lost than Michael Jackson in a Girl Scout camp. While there’s no specific link to “give props”, there’s a generic “something else…” page that I figured would work just as well. Except they want a phone number. Now I’m left to ask myself, was this girl’s help REALLY good enough to sit through potentially 5 phone calls from Staples a month, or the dead air of a computerized dialer courtesy of Staples?

Probably not.

******
If I could be 100% assured that the dipshit that is double parking out front wouldn’t find this site, I’d share the picture I took of EXACTLY what I was talking about yesterday. He’s back at it. On the bright side, though, the empty space he’s created on one side and the curb on the other assures me of not adding to the two dozen or so dings I already have on the sides of my car.

******
Time for this week in the NFL, though I reserve the right to change them before kickoff if in my infinite boredom at work tomorrow I come to my senses and realize the Browns really won’t beat the Redskins. (Not that I’m picking the Browns anyway, not after that “roll over and die” performance they threw out last week.)

To update, I went 9-5 last week, upping my record to 25-21, while that old dirty bastard Pete went 11-3 to sit at 29-17.

Cincinnati at PITTSBURGH – Pittsburgh has a nice new stadium, though if they want to implode it around 2pm on Sunday, I’ll look the other way.

INDY at Jacksonville – It’ll be closer than you’d think, but I don’t expect the Jags to get within 10.

Oakland at HOUSTON – Remember the 6-3 Arizona/Atlanta game last week? That’s some shitty football. So is this, but one team might get to 10.

NEW ENGLAND at Buffalo – Ten Frank Reich’s couldn’t come back from how ugly this one should get.

PHILADELPHIA at Chicago – The Eagles aren’t Green Bay. Besides, that one was a fluke anyway, the Bears are almost as bad as the Browns.

WASHINGTON at Cleveland – The home field advantage for the Browns is that they save on mileage to the Cleveland Clinic at halftime. 17-15 Skins, Phil Dawson (who has a decidedly African-American accent on ESPN’s NFL 2K5 for PS2, especially for a guy from Texas) will have a busy day, but still not kick a FG from beyond 40 yards.

NY Giants at GREEN BAY – Congrats on the win last week, G-Men. Now get back to working on that #1 draft pick.

ATLANTA at Carolina – Was Carolina even a real threat before Steve Smith went down? They definitely aren’t now.

NEW ORLEANS at Arizona – On the bright side, I hear the sunsets in Tempe are awfully pretty this time of year.

NY JETS at Miami – Someone on SportsCenter the other day referred to them as “the NY Football Jets”. Um, seeing how there are no baseball, basketball or hockey teams called the “NY Jets”, you’re an idiot.

TENNESSEE at San Diego – Its awfully nice of Drew Brees to offer to fade into oblivion at the same time Doug Flutie does. Of course, Flutie has a few thousand yards and a couple Grey Cups to take with him, Drew has that growth on his face.

DENVER at Tampa Bay – There’s no truth to the rumor that Mike Shanahan is going to rape and plunder if Denver wins this one, but it would make for, um, interesting TV.

ST. LOUIS at San Francisco – Is it just me, or would it have been more appropriate to dedicate San Fran’s new “Monster Field” on Halloween? (Actually, the Niners don’t play at home on Halloween, they play in Chicago. On ESPN. In primetime. Don’t let the kids watch, please. Whoa, THIS game is on ESPN, too. How does San Francisco get shut out one week, and now has two primetime games in the month of October? Maybe this is just God paying ESPN back for putting Stuart Scott on TV.)

Kansas City at BALTIMORE – No matter how good Baltimore gets from here on out (which won’t be very good, once Jamal Lewis takes the stand), they still lost to the Browns. Convincingly.