ESPN just ran a story about marijuana use in the NFL. It was a nice, thoughtful piece by the goat-eyed Andrea Kremer, that dug deep into the annals of investigative journalism to discover that “Um, I guess 50% of the players in the NFL smoke weed.” and *gasp!* there are ways to cover use up for your drug test. Thanks for your input Andrea. No shit NFL players like their pot, and if Nate Newton is any example, they’re probably rolling their joints with the Sunday New York Times and still looking for papers when they’re done. Next week on the pregame show, a 5 minute piece on where the sun rises, and how it sets in the west. (Though finding out that former Panthers and Colts lineman Shawn King once failed a drug test because his urine sample came back “pregnant” was pretty damn funny.)

However, ESPN waited until AFTER the story to break out the real punchline. Chris Berman in a heart-felt one-on-one session with former Cowboy WR/cocaine afficionado Michael Irvin, who just happens to be his co-host on the pregame show, and a guy that he has to, at minimum, work another 16 weeks with. Berman asked a question about marijuana use in the NFL, Irvin’s response was pretty much “Hey, we did it, we were partiers, we drank and smoked, but when training camp came around, we put it down. Some guys couldn’t put it down and it got to them.” Michael was better than them. He could put the bottle down, he learned to “just say no” to marijuana. When they started passing around the nose candy, Michael had some trouble.

Never once did they mention the blow, though. Instead, after Irvin was done talking about “being the leader of the Cowboys” (which, in the early ’90’s consisted of providing said drugs for the team), Berman extended a handshake across the table and muttered some line about “thanks for your candidness, Michael”. I say bullshit. Don’t pat yourselves on the back for a little tiptoe around the obvious subject. Your own “expert analyst” is the poster boy for the Colombian drug cartel, but yet he leaves it to “some guys just couldn’t put it down” and you thank him for a candid “interview”. Go back to your anniversary specials, ESPN, they are at least half the crap-filled balloon that segment was.

Then, as I turned to CBS immediately after that joke, I was confronted with a remarkable dilemma…. which is bigger, Shannon Sharpe’s tongue, or my bedroom wall?

I’m going with a push on this one.

GO BROWNS! (If the upset happens, its going down in 23-17 style.)