As much as I hate to use this space to talk about war or politics or war in this space, I’m going to make exemption #37.

I don’t have the link to the story anymore, but the fact that it was “major news” that airport surveillance tapes showed four or five of the September 11th hijackers going through security is crap. Of course they made it through security, they beeped, the guard checked them again, decided they were clean, and sent them on. Unless the breakdown in security came in the fact that these guys had their faces plastered all over the airport security breakroom wall and they were let through, who cares?

Of course, in hindsight, we ALL care. Then again, in hindsight, G-Dub probably should have told a few more people they were nuts for convincing him Saddam was ready to push the button, we probably should have had better voting systems installed so the bleeding heart liberals could have spent the last 4 years in a more productive setting, like lighting each other on fire, and Bill should have told Monica, “Look, if its cool enough that I’m President for you to blow me, certainly it would be cool enough for me to incinerate that dress.”

(Also, Dubya probably would have nixed the Sammy Sosa trade to the White Sox, Chris Webber wouldn’t have called timeout, and Woody Hayes wouldn’t have punched that kid from Clemson. Ahh, who am I kidding, that jackass would probably do it again 100 times over. Of course, he’s not punching quite as hard anymore, ’cause he’s dead.)

Anyway, I’ve said it before, I’m sure I’ll say it again, I had nothing more to do with the terrorist attacks than being another ignorant American watching CNN over my Lucky Charms thinking, “Holy crap! What in the hell is going on?”, but if you think that yanking four guys off a plane because they were foreign and had too much change in their pockets to make it through security would have flown before all that happened, you’re silly. Hell, they could have pulled ONE guy off if he was whistling the Saudi national anthem and had a briefcase with stickers from all over the world, including Hiroshima, Nagasaki, I believe San Francisco, and had made the horrible mistake of marrying Cher for a time in the 60’s, and the ACLU would be all over someone’s ass until Jesse Jackson came in to finish them off.

And now that the 9/11 Report is official, how in the hell is it that its being published and sold at bookstores? Sure the hearings were all public, and access to the public record is an important thing, but if 15 or so guys were smart enough to blend into the national population for a few years, learn to fly, but not land, planes, and take out 3,500 or so Americans, don’t you think they’re going to take just a wee bit of interest in a thousand page book on how and why we f—ed up?

******

In more interesting war-related news, you know how sometimes you’ll catch a foreign language flick and it will be all gibberish until they break out a proper name? Like a Spanish film that has an exchange like this (at 1,000 words per minute, of course):

“Que?”
“El diablo grande con queso.”
“Si. Mucho grande diablo de blanco frijoles.”
“Voy a comer con Homer Simpson?”

The “Homer Simpson” sticks out like a sore thumb, right? (And for the record, I know I wrote something about “alot of the big devil of white beans”, but I have no idea what it means.)

Well, I learned today that the Filipino language apparently works in much the same way, except they have no non-English word for random common nouns. Watching video of that Filipino hostage coming home, I heard alot of what sounded Asian, then all of a sudden, plain as day, I hear “Gate 16” and “press conference”. But it gets better. Right after I straighten out my awe and confusion from that, someone breaks out “VIP Lounge”.

Tuesday is the 2 for 1 buffet, and coming to the main stage…. Diamond!

*******

Texas pitcher Ricardo Rodriguez.
Line drive.
Broken elbow.

I will not complain about the large bruise on my back from a misguided softball ever again.

(Though I’ll be glad to point out that the Rangers are still in first place, and August is so close I can smell it. Smells like chicken.)