There is another Indy 500 post that’s about 2/3 of the way done, waiting to be posted. But its long. Damn long. It will get special treatment elsewhere, but in the interests of staying short (and hopefully funny), here’s what I learned this weekend about Indy this weekend. (Most of which I knew before, but I didn’t have a blog last May, so deal with it, aight?)
1) 20 beers doesn’t feel like 20 beers until you’re counting the leftover soldiers at the end of the day (or the next day, as the case more often than not ends up being.)
2) Thong-watching, while an exceptional sport in its own right, needs to be reserved for caution periods. No need missing a two-car wreck developing right in front of you to check out the 4 square inches of fabric covering the backside of the girl two rows down. (I’m a guy. It’s what I’m supposed to do.)
3) I’m thinking AJ Foyt (the four-time winner, not the bumbling idiot that kept up a humming lap average of about 47 MPH on Sunday) is looking for a time machine so he can go back and either have all daughters, or have his boys crushed in a horrific wheat threshing accident. Anything has to be less painful than watching AJ (the fourth, the aforementioned bumbling idiot) and Larry drag his surname through the mud.
4) If any drivers are reading this and need someone to carry their helmet and taste their food to make sure its not too hot, I can have my resume to you yesterday. All I ask is a basic living wage, and any of the groupies you don’t want. I don’t know the easiest way to Google for pics of the hotties these guys are toting around on their arms, but if you’ve seen Sly Stallone in Driven, that’s about the only part of the movie that’s realistic.
5) While I was pulling hard for Bruno Junquiera to get the win (see Friday’s post about baby names), I can’t wait to see Buddy Rice on Letterman this week. And speaking of Rice, I’d like to retract this line from an MSN conversation 3 weeks ago:
“I think I might just hang around the tailgate and drink at Indy… I mean with Team Rahal bringing such stars as Buddy Rice, Roger Yasukawa and Vitor Meira, this one’s over before it started. *smirk*”
Although, looking at it again, if I take the smirk off the end, there is no sign of sarcasm, and I look like a genius, right? Okay, probably not.
6) Any woman that is going to wear a bikini top in front of 300,000 people and proudly show off the birth control patch on her back probably needs to wear two birth control patches. Maybe three.
7) One sentence I could live without ever hearing again while standing on aluminum bleachers surrounded by hundreds of thousands of people: “There is a tornado warning for (whatever county I’m in at the time) County. Please leave the grandstand area immediately.” It turned out to be a tornado or eleven 20-25 miles away, but I had fleeting thoughts of Jim Nabors and Florence Henderson singing a duet at my funeral.
8) The next time I need an email address to sign up for porn or other “exciting offers”, I now have one, thanks to the jackass that almost hit us with his truck after the race. I won’t give him the dignity of posting the site here, but if anyone needs an out, let me know. Sure, people in cars needed to get away from the storms, too, but doesn’t common courtesy say to let the pedestrians who are walking through the lightning storm and tornado sirens get through first? Then again, if I were the driver, it might be a different story. Oh well, I’m sure he’ll like his porn either way.
9) It still amazes me how far people can get their heads up their asses when they’re in a relationship. Especially the ones that are in one for the first time in forever. I’m not the best at walking the fine line between spending time with both sides proportionately, but to totally abandon your friends for a chick, especially in the middle of an event? That just ain’t right.
10) Sarah Fisher actually finished the entire race. This means she gets a bye until next year when she’s out in the first 25 laps.
Okay, bosses are starting to swarm. Time to bail.