So I went a little out of the way to get that title, but it works, and I’d be TOTALLY remiss if I didn’t give a big Happy Birthday shoutout to the Olsen twins. An *18th* birthday shoutout, mind you. It seems like just yesterday that we watched you two share the role of little goat-eyed Michelle Tanner on “Full House”, now we’re on the verge of being horribly annoyed by the mention of your names, but still eagerly awaiting the day your career(s?) take a nose dive and we find you gracing the pages of Swank. I imagine somewhere John Stamos (who is reportedly coming back with an ABC sitcom sometime in January) and Bob Saget are wrestling over who gets which one of you first, only in time for Cousin Joey to make an annoying laughing duck sound, do the “cut…it…out” thing with his hand, and take both of you away to learn the meaning of adulthood.

Interestingly enough, check here and here, and realize that the Olsens still have a ways to go before they’re the hot Tanner girls.

******

Watching Comedy Central re-run the NBC show “Last Comic Standing” last night, I realized a few things:

1) If it were me on there, I’d be awfully pissed if they had a competition filled with mostly amateurs, then dropped in people that not only have done late night talk shows, but have their own half hour specials. Jim Norton, as damn funny as he is, should have been held off the list after his 45th consecutive appearance keeping Colin Quinn on the air. ESPECIALLY when Colin Quinn is one of the judges! (Colin Quinn a judge of a comedy show? I think I just might become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court yet!) And Kathleen Madigan, as damn funny as she *isn’t*, should be left to her half hour special the network runs every other week. Its like Major League Baseball calling me up to participate in a home run derby with my brother, a few friends from college, some kid down the street, and Barry Bonds. Unless Barry shares his juice with us, it just isn’t right!

2) Female comics have come a long way since they weren’t funny in the 80’s to not being funny in 2004. Sure, they bust off some good lines now and again, and the stripper they had on the show was worth the price of admission, but how many decades of “he dumped me because I’m fat” jokes do we need to hear before they get the hint?

3) Why do 90% of the introductions for comics (on this show and in general) have to remind me how funny the guy is? “Now let’s welcome to the stage, a very funny man, Mr. Homer Simpson!” If he wasn’t “very funny”, why would we be paying money to watch him? Even if the guy just passed as “funny”, is that enough to get a stand up gig? Or should he just be the guy in the office, or at the bar, cracking jokes that hit about 60% of the time? (I know this one from experience. Hell, I might even think of myself as “a very funny man” from time to time, but I sure as hell am no stand up!) Just once, I’d like to hear an emcee introduce a comic as “a so-so guy, he might get you to chuckle once or twice, but other than that, you’re expecting too much”.

All in all, a pretty good show, I might have to follow it to NBC on Tuesdays, though I guess at some point they stop doing stand up and they move 10 of them into a house. Great, its “Big Brother” with a bunch of fat, chain-smoking funny men, a couple not-so-funny middle aged women, and we get to watch them eat bugs or something for the right to headline one night at the Improv in Portland, Oregon.

Maybe I’ll just wait for the article.