Off the top of my head, I’ve got four questions about this “ESPYs Backstage” column on ESPN.com….

1) Could this be a more obvious PR piece to make Chris Berman come off as the fun-loving comedic father figure of the sports world? I didn’t have the time or energy to count the Berman references, but I’m thinking it pushed 20. And the column wasn’t that long.

2) Do athletes have “real” fake numbers to give out in the case of an autistic high schooler asking for the digits? Not that I feel bad for Kobe in any regard, but giving a high school kid your number in ANY instance, regardless of mental capacity of the kid, can’t be a good idea, but if it comes out that he gave an autistic kid a bum number, who does he buy a $4M ring for to cover up that PR fiasco?

3) The phrase I read earlier (I believe on Deadspin) that the ESPYs are ESPN’s self-important display of self-importance is backed up about 3,000 times in the 3 minutes it took to read this piece.

4) What does Dario Franchitti think about his wife… HIS WIFE… hanging around all giddy with folks like LeBron and Dwayne Wade? And really, what can he do about it anyway?