Hands down, the award for “best use of the term “fecal soup” (if not the only use of the term “fecal soup” ever) goes to Ace Davis for the comparison between the corporate vomit behind on the backdrop of all Browns press conferences and the floor of old Municipal Stadium. I loved the old place, but I can only imagine that the restrooms there are a step down from what they crapped in during the Renaissance.

*****

So I’m walking into Kroger this morning, noticing a sign that read “Help Wanted: Deli (experience preferred)”, and not seriously thinking about applying, but thinking that “you know, if I needed some extra money, I could probably do that pretty clean and easy. Of course, one look at the would-be co-workers changed my mind, not to mention the memories of way too many Kroger-related years in college.

Then the clincher.

I order a third of a pound of sliced salami, the guy at the counter puts a stack on the scale… .16 lbs. He tries again, .37 lbs. Peels a little off, .31 lbs. Drops a bit back on, .33 lbs. Looks at it, lays a couple more slices on to get it to .34, the a couple more to .36, then finishes off the stack he had at .37, wraps it up and sends it over the counter.

I’m not complaining about the .04 extra pounds of salami (though that is almost 24 cents I hadn’t planned on spending!), but it struck me then that while prior experience is preferred to work there, mastery of simple fractions is not. Next time I think I’m going to order 5/6ths of a pound of something, and watch heads explode.

*****

Happy belated birthday (it was Monday) to PGA golfer Calvin Peete. No real reason, but seeing that it was his birthday made me laugh. (And Greg, if you get the reference here, you get bonus points.)