…I’ll make it anywh…GACK!!!

I hate New York. I really do. I hate the city, I hate the people (except for the people from New York that have bought me beers in the past, I still love you), I hate the thought of the city and the people. (Except for Jason Mulgrew. He’s one funny sum’bitch. Though I’d be scared for my life if I ever came across him, what with the stories of vodka benders and fornicating with luncheon meats. I’m petrified just thinking about it. And kind of craving a ham and cheese sandwich, actually.)

But anyway, back to my hatred for the “City That Never Shuts the Hell Up”. I give New York one chance to win my favor. Just one, and all they had to do is win a football game. Beat the Steelers, and I might even clap once for your stinking football team. They give themselves that chance, and promptly turn into the Browns. Missed field goal, redeeming defensive play, another missed field goal, then a sieve of a defense in overtime. Ball game. Would the whole NY/NJ area please hurry up with the falling into the ocean thing, please?

Of course, with the “run one down the leg” move the Colts pulled AGAIN this afternoon, I don’t think I could have taken another New York vs. Boston media lovefest again, so perhaps its for the better. Probably not, because now I have to decide if I want to deal with the Steelers in the Super Bowl, or another year of how the Patriots are the greatest team ever, and probably invented the forward pass, but didn’t tell anyone about it, so they don’t get any credit.

As usual, the chowder stroking will be spearheaded by Bill Simmons, who continues to do an outstanding job of shoving 100 square miles in the corner of the country down the collective thoughts of a nation. You know that Monday (if there’s not one already) will bring a column devoted to Patriot-related Colts urination, so here are a few early lines to take to your bookie:

Odds that the article will be a “minute by minute” diary of the game: 1.5-1

Odds that said diary will be passed off with a “I didn’t want to do a minute by minute diary, but it turned out that way anyway” comment: 2-1

Odds on reasons “it turned out that way anyway”:
-Easier to piece thoughts together: 100-1
– Just got a new “Bill Belichick talking watch”, and thought it would be a good way to break it in: 25-1
-My “Naked Terry Francona” screensaver changes pictures every 60 seconds, so it was easy to coordinate the key points of the game with the drool marks on my notepad: Pick ‘Em

Over/Under of first reference to the “Peyton Manning face”: 4:43PM

Over/Under of times the phrase “Peyton Manning face” is used in column: 5

First call to/from his dad: Halftime (Bonus points for a conversation about how “this game should
be 487-0, not 6-3”, and that’s going to screw the Pats.)

Scary thing is, I think I have it pretty well pegged by now.